Moving Forward
- sharmondavidson
- 3 days ago
- 4 min read
15 July, 2025
“It takes strength to make your way through grief, to grab hold of life and let it pull you forward.” –Patti Davis
Burdened by Grief, Fearful of the Future
The losses pile up like heavy stones in my heart. The weight of them makes it hard to move, slowing down all my efforts to accomplish anything, causing me to question whether anything is worth doing at all. In the past few years, I've lost two of my closest friends, my father, and most recently, my sister.
In addition, my closest friend suffers from numerous health issues; I don't know how long she will remain in this life. I hate seeing her suffer, but can't stand the thought of losing her. I know this is terribly selfish of me.
"Grief is the price we pay for love." ~ Colin Murray Parkes
What is There to Fear?
Where do I even start? Well, how about the obvious one: I fear for the future of our country. Judging by the size of the crowds at recent protest marches, I know I'm not alone in this. Many of you share my horror at the demise of our democracy, and the blatant disregard for the Constitution by our current president. Or, to be more accurate, I probably should add: the blatant disregard for truth, science, human rights, our environment, our economy, and basic decency.
I worry about my granddaughter growing up in an authoritarian dictatorship. Why do hate and greed win? Why do people believe lies over truth? I don't think I will ever understand this; I struggle every day to come to terms with it, without much success.
"No Kings" protest march in Cincinnati, OH. Approximately 10,000 people, including me and my husband (2nd photo).
Being Human
Just being a person of a certain age can be hard. So many fears come with growing older. Worries about health, finances, losing your friends and spouse - you know, the boring mundane stuggles we all deal with if we live ong enough. Our bodies wear out, and sometimes our minds as well. It's scary. And then, of course, there's death. Hahahah! Just little stuff like that.
"Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it. Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer." ~ Shunryu Suzuki
Other Changes
I will be the first to admit that I'm not good with change. I never have been. Maybe it's because I lost my primary caregiver at age five. My mother had to work to put my dad through medical school, so my grandmother lived with us and took care of me. When she got a job and left, I was inconsolable. Anyway, I don't adjust well to change, and have always struggled with a fear of abandonment. Go figure.
My biggest struggle right now is getting my head around the sale of our beautiful country refuge, Shabo-Mekaw. This is the place I went to for the solace of nature, for peace and quiet and beauty. Unfortunately, it was just getting to be too much for us, keeping up with caring for both places. We want to travel, and I want to spend time on my art.
So, we made one of the hardest decisions we've ever had to make. It sold the first day it went on the market. I cried a lot, and still do. I will always be grateful for the 22 years we had it, and all the joy it's given us. I will be posting more recent photographs of it, as well as those I've taken over the years. I find revisiting these memories helps me to appreciate the good times we've had there, though it's also painful.
“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” ~ Hermann Hesse
Moving Forward
What I must do now is move forward, and try to accept the changes that have come, and not worry about the ones that may come in the future. We all know this, right? It's just that knowing it is so very different from actually putting it into practice.
I do know that I'm one of the fortunate ones, because I have my family. Both my children and their wonderful spouses live near me, and I get to see my amazing little granddaughter often. My husband and I are in good health, and we have our two crazy, affectionate canine companions to keep us company and make us laugh.
"Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose." ~ Viktor Frankl
Meaning and Purpose
When I first read the Victor Frankl quote, above, I could feel the truth of it resonate inside me. You know how you read something, and it just strikes you like someone hit you over the head? Maybe it's something you knew, but didn't consciously realize, or hadn't given much thought to before.
My art has always been, except for my family, my deepest meaning and purpose. In my darkest hours, it has given me a focus, and a way to move forward. The message of my work, that everything is interconnected, feels more important with each passing day. I constantly strive to improve my techniques and my ability to visually convey this truth.
So once again I'll leave you with my favorite quote by Alan Watts, who says it so much better than I can:
“Whether we like it or not, change comes, and the greater the resistance, the greater the pain. Buddhism perceives the beauty of change, for life is like music in this: if any note or phrase is held for longer than its appointed time, the melody is lost. Thus Buddhism may be summed up in two phrases: “Let go!” and “Walk on!” Drop the craving for self, for permanence, for particular circumstances, and go straight ahead with the movement of life.”
―Alan W. Watts, Become What You Are
Blessings to you all, my friends. Wishing you peace, love, and art. xo
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